Monday, February 23, 2009

Sean's Oscar Summary

Well, you may know, that last night was the Oscars. We snacked. We watched. We laughed. We shoveled snow. I may not be the Oscar Nazi, but for the first time, I’m contributing to the annual round-up.

The telecast was as awesome as it was boring. The party was just plain awesome.

Hugh Jackman was tremendous as host and his opening number was one of the best in Oscar history (“I am Wolverine!”). Doing the low-budget sets and including the “Craig’s List Dancers” was inspired. Pulling Anne Hathaway up on stage to play Richard Nixon was genius.

Unfortunately, his second musical number sucked the life out of every musical ever made (except “An American in Paris.” That movie has no life, it just sucks). Seriously, we can’t see the paltry three best song nominees performed in full but we have twenty minutes for this piece of crap? In the end, we found out that it was a Baz Luhrmann production, which makes sense. When that was announced, the whole room when “Ahhhhh… O-kaaay….” But I longed for his signature ferret-on-speed editing that usually accompanies his dance numbers.

The life was also sucked out of the telecast when the Best-Supporting-Actress-Winner-Ya-Ya-Sisterhood came out to give wedding toasts to this year’s nominees. They went on to do it for all the acting categories and wow, was that awful . Who came up with this idea?

“Let’s see… the two biggest complaints about the Oscars is that a.) it’s too long of a long show and b.) has too many long boring speeches. I know: let’s add 20 more boring speeches! That’ll keep the adrenalin up!” Am I the only one who felt that they should have been holding a flute of champagne up as they spoke? At least we didn't hear from the President of the Academy, or worse yet, the accountants.

Other presenters were more entertaining. It seemed to me when they tossed their Vilanchesque scripts into the trash and went their own way, it was gold. Especially Tina Fey & Steve Martin. Also notable was Ben Stiller’s Joaquin Phoenix impression in his hillbilly beard, staring off and wandering around the stage.

Everyone will be talking about the short where Seth Rogan & James Franco revived their “Pineapple Express” characters. A Cheech & Chong for a new millennium. Except for the fact that Rogan & Franco are funny.

They ruined the death montage – I didn’t even mind Queen Latifah singing over it. What I minded was that instead of showing the montage, they showed a collection of TVs showing the montage with weird angles and moving cameras. It was annoying and distracting. Plus: we want the applause-o-meter!

The memorable moments:
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto – Did this guy make a bet or something? “Dude, if I win, I’ll say it for, like, $500.”

Philippe Petit balancing an Oscar on his chin - Yes, I believe that will be shown at least as often as the one-armed push-up.

Another no-show – Despite his winning streak, Heath ledger still refuses to show up for these award cera-… I’m sorry?... He what?... When?... –never mind.

And how much am I loving that Jack Nicholson was not in the front row. He was never on camera. Was he even there? Did he boycott when he found out that he wouldn’t be treated like royalty? The least likely explanation: he got over himself.

By now you know who won and how everyone pretended to cry when Heath won just in case they were on camera, so I won’t go into all that.

The Party:

Despite a killer snow storm (really, it’s killin’ my back) we had our best Oscar Party turnout yet. And we had a crowd that was really into it. For the first time, over ½ the guests stayed for the entire show! When things got slow, we made fun of things getting slow… or refilled our punch.

It’s always a good sign when the punch runs out before ten.

Jami & Gianna out-did themselves this year. Yummy treats from Tricky Dicks to Heath’s Posthu-Mousse Award. And I’m rolling in leftovers! Woo-Hoo! The Best Snack winner was The Curious Taste of Benjamin’s Buttons. (Click here for the entire menu w/ recipes).

Anne, Cedric Diggory, Jay & Erica put their lives at risk by enduring the long trek through a killer (did I mention my back?) snowstorm to attend. We also had Stephanie & Jami (not my wife, another Jami w/ the same spelling) driving… but they’re local, so they get props, just not as many. Dianne and Saffron drove, but the get no props because they could have walked. (Jami's note: and TRACY! Wonderful, sweet Tracy who traversed the longest road to our party, though avoided the storm, is ALWAYS a wonderful Oscar party attendee!)

We really had a funny, sarcastic crowd and it made the Oscars so much more fun. That’s how you watch the Oscars. Otherwise, the boring parts become painfully boring.

Thanks to all for coming. For those who couldn’t make it, maybe next year. And thanks to Jami & Gianna for all their hard work. Now let’s hope 2009 gives us better Oscar movies!

1 comment:

  1. I think James and I should get way more props than that. We got stuck in the cul-de-sac that we were assured was always plowed. Untrue.

    Booo to messing up the death montage which is my favorite part of the show.

    They should have had way more Jackman, he showed up like twice the whole show, the opening, and the cesspit of a production midway. It reminded me of that telecast where they had the interpretative dancing---ugh....

    Overall thanks for the invite we had a great time. And we take comfort in the fact that there are people out there who love dishing the snark as much as we do!