Sunday, February 22, 2009


OK, my wife covered that it is Oscar night. So, I'm covering... Hoo-Bingo!... Scent of a Woman.

Yes, we viewed this God-awful movie again last night with drinks in hand. We tried to play a Hoo-Ah! drinking game but couldn't keep up.

For those unfamiliar: Al Pacino, in an Oscar-winning turn, plays a cantankerous ex-military recluse with an unsettling familiarity with the women's perfumes and soaps. He drags a prep-school weekend caregiver out for his last hurrah, (stay at a nice hotel, see his brother to apparently piss him off, screw a hooker and kill himself).

Here's what kills me about this movie: people see it as a prestige picture. Not only do they like it, they think it is a high-quality film (not even a movie, a film). What is wrong with people?

Why if I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a flamethrower to this script! Here is some of the actual Oscar-nominated dialogue:

"Her number tastes like Albany."
"He drives so smooth you can boil an egg on the engine block."
"You're in no position disagree with me, boy. I got a loaded .45 here. You got pimples. "
"You've got integrity Charlie. I don't know whether to shoot you or adopt ya."
"Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways."
"...there isn't nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that."

And, of course, my personal favorite:
"I can't chew the leather anymore. So why should I share in the tribes provisions? I mean,
there's no one... wants to tear a herring with me anymore."
What the F**K does that mean!?!?!?!

Seriously, there's at least 10 other quotes that I omitted because I didn't want to take up too much of your time. Plus, you really should be drinking to read more of them.

Don't get me wrong, this movie is hilarious. Pacino's performance is so hammy, even Christians can't watch it during Passover.

But how can it be acclaimed? It's not even something that people look back on and say, "well, at the time we thought it was good... but now?" No. I talk to people about Scent of a Woman and they are all up in my grill: "That's a great movie! Pacino is fantastic in that!"

Is it because we live in a Wal-Mart America where crap is hailed? Is it because of the best publicity campaign ever? I don't know. It's a mystery, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a Hoo-ha!, and dipped in Jack Daniels.

Either way, it's a great margarita movie. And if you love this movie: re-watch it. Seriously. You need to revisit this with fresh eyes.


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