Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Twilight, it's the Awesomest Movie Ever!

From Guest Writer Gianna Fregosi:

Fans of Vampire flicks...this is not the movie for you. What do you get if the Disney Channel decided to make a tween-goth love story-Well you would get Stephanie Meyer's idiotic anemic vampire love story Twilight. If you thought you were going to get a dark, menacing, atmospheric love story, this is not the flick for you. If, however, you want to see a brooding pretty boy vampire with all the menacing danger of a bunny rabbit this is the movie of your dreams.

Kristen Stewart plays Bella, new transplant to the overly cloudy town of Forks, Washington. Instantly she is mesmerized by the oh-so-lovely Cullen family, well make that Edward Cullen (Rob Pattinson), super-dreamy and unattached to boot!

After the expected series of conflicting interactions with Edward (He hates her, He likes her, He hates her etc.), and odd occurrences: he save her life by stopping a truck with his hand, his eyes keep changing color, Bella uncovers Edward's true identity-vampire. This realization doesn't seem to bother her at all, no it intrigues her.

Edward finally admits who he is and shows her his true self. Thought vamps burned up in the sunlight? No, silly, that's a myth (along with just about every other piece of established Vampire-lore). Edward doesn't burn up in the sunlight-he sparkles! Of course now that pretty vampire boy is also pretty sparkly vampire boy-how can Bella resist.

This leads to some pretty inane dialog Ed:'So the Lion fell in love with the lamb.' Bella: 'Stupid lamb.' Ed: 'Stupid masochistic lion.' We also get the 411 on Edward's 'family' they're vegetarians, meaning they don't feast on humans only animals. It's all so wonderful and harmless, who wouldn't want to hook up with a vamp?

Of course since this is an 'epic' love story there has to be conflict. Edward decides to take Bella home to meet the folks. Ever wonder what Ozzie and Harriet would be as vampires, Carlilse and Esmee Cullen are the answer. They welcome Bella in with open arms, make an Italian dinner ('She must be Italian, her name's Bella) and invite her to the family baseball game. It's at the baseball game that we run into a different kind of vampire family, they don't live by the same code as the Cullen's and want to snack on Bella. Even though they leave, Edward knows that they aren't going to rest until they've 'snacked' on Bella. This leads to a cross-country escape, with a climatic scary moment and finally ends with Edward taking Bella to the prom.
The problem with Twilight, is that it has no teeth so to speak. The Cullen vampires are so wholesome and sweet that never once do you feel like there is an element of danger. That's why Meyer's brings in the 'bad' vamps, which is easier to digest than having Edward pose any sort of a threat. When you strip away all elements of danger and conflict, well vamp Edward is about as exciting as a moody Goth boy. I have no problem with rewriting vampire-lore, Joss Whedon has done this to great success. However, it seems Meyer's stripped away everything vampiric about Edward to make him into the perfect teen heartthrob. And that's just boring. Of course this film and book series has legions of fans who go ga-ga over it and Will tell you 'It's the awesomest movie!', and if you're 12 years old, and a girl, I'll give you a pass.

1 comment:

  1. Yuck

    Didn't read the books, not interested in the movie. Stephen King called Stephanie Meyer "not a very good writer"

    Okay, I hope he never reviews anything I write. On the other hand, I agree with him. I read the first few pages of Twilight and wasn't impressed.

    By the way, my new blog: