Guest Columnist: John's Oscars by Decade: The Best and the Worst of the Best

1927-1939 Rank – 4^th

Best Best Picture: It Happened One Night

Worst Best Picture: Cimarron

Sure, this decade gave us some monumental films, but also a lot of mediocre ones (The Life of Emile Zola). (Jami's Note - You used to own Emile Zola!) “It Happened One Night” is perhaps the most perfect romantic comedy ever devised, while “Cimarron” is a dull movie with a great opening sequence. Why not “Gone With the Wind”? It’s overrated and overproduced. Take that Mr. O. Selznick! (Jami’s note – that is categorically untrue)

1940-1949 Rank 2^nd

Best Best Picture: Casablanca

Worst Best Picture: Gentleman’s Agreement

It’s hard to find a bad film in here. It was a race between “How Green” and “Gentleman’s”. Although the first is long a tedious, the second aged very badly, hence my pick. (Jami’s note – Gregory Peck is rolling over in his grave!) Also, “Valley” is gorgeously shot. For the rest of the movies, most are incredible Hollywood classics, and “Casablanca” is perhaps the Best Best Picture of all time.

1950-1959 Rank – 6^th (tie)

Best Best Picture: On the Waterfront

Worst Best Picture: Around the World in 80 Days

The 50’s were hit and miss. 5 films were brilliant, 5 were terrible. I had to go with “On the Waterfront” over “Eve” for sheer iconography. Although “Greatest Show” is one of the three very worst, “Around the World” is almost unwatchable. It even has a Three Stooges cameo! At least “Greatest Show” you can get drunk to. (Jami’s note – Ben Hur is the crappiest piece of crap ever and Around the World is somewhat enjoyable. He’s crazy)

1960-1969 Rank – 3^rd

Best Best Picture: Lawrence of Arabia

Worst Best Picture: Oliver!

Once again, it’s a decade where not much went wrong. Many people hate “Tom Jones”. I don’t, and Jami must deal with that. (Jami’s note - OK) “Oliver!” is decent, but not really impressive. However, I had a hard time going with “Lawrence” over “Apartment”, “West Side” or “Cowboy”, but I think it’s the right call.

1970-1979 Rank – 1^st

Best Best Picture: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Worst Best Picture: Kramer vs. Kramer

Holy crap! What a decade! The 70’s may not be good for much, but it’s a goldmine of movies. My choices were purely gut instincts. “Cuckoo” beat out everything else because it’s the only one that moves me on many emotional levels. “Kramer” drops away because it doesn’t age as well as the others. But choosing between “Patton”, both “Godfather”s, “Sting”, “Connection”, “Cuckoo”, “Annie Hall”, “Deer Hunter”, “Rocky” and “Kramer”, your guess is as good as mine. (Jami’s note – no, my guess is better. Kramer is still awesome and the painful Derr Hunter is a snooze fest)

1980-1989 Rank – 5^th

Best Best Picture: Amadeus

Worst Best Picture: Chariots of Fire

The worst was a real close call between “Chariots” and “Miss Daisy”, but at least Daisy was entertaining. This decade had a lot of overlong prestige pictures (Gandhi, anyone?), but at least one biopic got is solidly right: “Amadeus”. This also is on a short list of the Best Best Pictures Ever.

1990-1999 Rank – 6^th (tie)

Best Best Picture: Schindler’s List

Worst Best Picture: The English Patient

“Schindler” would have probably won it anyway, but it didn’t have a lot of competition. Like the 50’s, the decade was half good (“Shakespeare”, “Lambs”), half bad (“Dances with Wolves”, “Braveheart”). Ultimately “English Patient” won out (or lost) for being the most boring of the bunch. I still don’t get why it won.

2000-2008 Rank – Last

Best Best Picture: The Return of the King

Worst Best Picture: Crash

This decade could have been one of the best of all, but it was constantly upended by ridiculous choices. This was the hardest to pick a worst (so many to choose), but ultimately “Crash” was crappier than “Baby” or “Gladiator”. It was also hard to pick a best, even with the recent additions. The reason I went for “Return of the King” is because I ultimately think is will be regarded as more of a “classic” to the general movie-going public than others like “Departed”, “No Country” or “Slumdog”. To illustrate what could have been, imagine this possible Best Picture list, replacing some winners with other nominees in the same year.

2000 Traffic (or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)

2001 A Beautiful Mind (or In the Bedroom, or Moulin Rouge) (Jami’s note- Moulin Rouge? … Seriously???)

2002 The Pianist (or Gangs of New York) (Jami’s note – Not Gangs of New York! Anything but that!)

2003 The Return of the King

2004 Sideways (or the Aviator, or Finding Nevereland)

2005 Brokeback Mountain (or Good Night and Good Luck, or Capote)

2006 The Departed

2007 No Country for Old Men (or Juno)

2008 Slumdog Millionaire

Kind of makes you cry, doesn’t it?

My Top 10 "Least Favorite" Best Pictures

As a diligent Oscarnazi, I've made it a point to watch all the Best Pictures from the Academy's history. Some have been more painful than others. Some are bad, but ultimately entertaining in their badness (see: "The Greatest Show on Earth," " Titanic.") But I figured it might be fun to call out the top 10 pretenders to the throne... in my humble opinion. And to add a little excitement, I'll omit the Eastwood cannon ("Million Dollar Baby," "Unforgiven") not because they don't deserve to be on this list (Oh, how they do) but because my distaste for Old Man Eastwood is already well-documented.

10. How Green Was My Valley (1941) - "How Green Was My Valley" chronicles 50 years in the lives of a close-knit clan of Welsh coal miners.

And BOY, does it feel like it.

It took me 3 tries before I could make it through this movie. To make matters worse, it beat out "Citizen Kane."

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9. Out of Africa (1985) - Very long, very beautiful, very zzzzzzzzzzz.....

Meryl Streep plays a woman in a marriage of convenience who is uprooted to Africa with her new husband, only to fall in love with a roguish Robert Redford. If you're ever out of sleeping pills, this movie will probably make a suitable substitute.

8. Oliver!(1968) - Wow. This is one of those movies where you really can't believe it was even nominated. Based on Dickens' equally painful novel, 'Oliver Twist" it's a big, ugly mess with catchy songs. But they aren't that catchy. Come to think of it, it's really not a very good musical - forget film. The whole thing's just painful from start to finish.

7. Tom Jones (1963) - This is mostly a victim of its era. Albert Finney plays the titular handsome womanizer who only truly loves one woman. It seems as though this could be a charming movie, but I can't get past the ultra-sixties style of shooting and editing. It just seems like high-brow Benny Hill to me.

6. Gigi (1958)- Leslie Caron stars as an avant-garde French waif being groomed as a courtesan for the affluent and handsome Gaston. Another long boring musical. It was actually one of my favorite films as a little girl. However, it doesn't age well and, watching it as an adult, I have no feeling for these people and I just wanted to get to the end.

5. Chariots of Fire (1981)- Parts of this movie were interesting, but unfortunately they come between all the other parts. Supposedly this movie is primarily about two runners training for the Olympics in Britain, one christian and one Jewish, but the story gets muddled down with way too many characters that come and go and it's impossible to keep all their stories straight. For a pretty boring movie, it's almost frenetic in its story structuring. To make matters worse, it beat out "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

4. Gladiator (2000) -

CGI tigers.

Joaquin Phoenix.

Spartacus rip-offs left and right.

"Am I not merciful?"

How did this piece of crap ever win? Watch "I, Claudius" instead. To make matters worse, it beat out ... well take your pick: "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," "Erin Brokovich," "Chocolat," and "Traffic."

3. Crash (2005) - This is the kind of movie Hollywood loves to make to pat themselves on the back. It explores racism "light." You see anyone can be racist. But racism is bad. Racism pushed Sandra Bullock down the stairs. "Do the Right Thing" was far more bold and challenging all of 20 years prior and it only got a writing nomination. Proof positive that the academy doesn't like a movie that really tackles the issue and presents no clear cut solutions. To make matters worse, "Crash" beat out... again, take your pick: "Good Night and Good Luck," "Capote," "Munich" and "Brokeback Mountain."

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2. Ben Hur (1959)- I think I'd rather be chained in the bowls of a ship, rowing my life away than ever to have to sit through this epic piece of crap again. Quite frankly, I wasn't even that impressed with the damn chariot race.

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1. An American In Paris (1951)- Oh. My. God. "Singing in the Rain" is one of my all time favorite films, but this numbingly boring Gene Kelly vehicle is all "dream ballet" and no charm. I've watched it twice because it seems like I must have missed something the first time.

Nope.

This is one long, painful, boring, waste of time. To make matters worse, it beat out "a Streetcar named Desire."

STELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!